Friday, January 23, 2015

Nearly lost my Dad again due to his heart condition (heart damage from military service in the Vietnam Conflict). Four hospital stays and three procedures in less than three weeks. He is home now and doing ok. He is needing less and less oxygen, which is good. Hopefully, his heart will behave itself for a long while now and he can be up and around like his usual self.

I have still been shipping during this time, but not at the rate I had hoped. I will be spending the weekend catching up on it and emails.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Update on BHP

I have decided to give myself six months to get completely caught up with every project and every order that I am behind on. I expect that none of them will take anywhere near that long to finish, Six months is more of a personal goal to help me get my mind back in the right place about hobby publishing. During this time, I will not be publishing any new material.

Looking back, I can now see that most of my decisions about hobby publishing - what I would work on and what systems I would create or support - had far more to do with trying to cultivating and developing online friendships than they did with following my own passion for gaming and publishing. It was more of an attempt on my part to try to expand my number of online friends by trying to create things I thought they wanted.

In the process, I have lost or damaged nearly all those online friendships and partnerships. I delayed the development of a game for years, gave away a game that was never really mine to start with, and filled my kickstarter with far more stretch goals (considering the large number of backers for a one-man operation) than I should have.

So I have decided to give myself six months to get completely caught up with every project and every order that I am behind on. When I am completely caught up and every order and project is fulfilled, BHP will be back publishing material that fuels my passion for gaming and hobby publishing.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Finally Dealing with Grief

*Hey folks,

I have been very quiet online for the last few months (compared to the past). The reason is that I finally took the time and got some real help working through my issues with loss.

Burying 3 children in 15 years can take a toll on anyone. Holding one as he died and knowing all three of them suffered in death is more than any parent can take. Last year, our unborn child, a girl named Morrigan, died in the womb from an umbilical cord accident. This kind of tragedy is always devastating, but it was even more so for us because this was the third child we have lost. Eighteen years ago, our first child, another girl, Alexandra, was full-term yet stillborn from a chromosomal disorder. And eight years ago, we had a fourth boy, Brody, who was born with an undetected, deformed heart and fought to live thirty-three hours. Since I had been through this kind of situation twice before, I thought I could soldier-on without much difficulty. I stayed strong for my family, but became quite broken deep inside.

We all need help sometimes. Take it from someone who has spent a lifetime helping others through major seasons of grief - all of us need to reach out and get help from others sometimes.

Looking back, I am amazed and ashamed at just how screwed up mentally and emotionally I have been. I am very glad to finally be getting closer to feeling and thinking like my old self again.

I know I have failed to fulfill many of BHP's promises and obligations in the last two years. I am not posting this for sympathy or as an excuse for how badly I have failed to meet my obligations. I do intend to make as many things right as soon as I can.

No, I am posting this because it might help someone else. If you are going through a time of great loss, please get some help. Some things in life are too hard for us to face alone. And as great as online relationships can be, they cannot replace the times when we need someone who cares enough for us to look us in the eye and tell us things we need to hear.

I will have an update on all things BHP here very soon.

Merry Christmas. :)

*This is an expanded explanation of a Google+ post from November 23, 2014.

Coming back online very soon. :)